Oppositional and Defiant Kids: Regaining Control of Your Life

Oppositional and Defiant Kids: Regaining Control of Your Life Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts Dear Stacy, Perhaps you know one of those kids…the type who absolutely loves seeing your face turn red and hearing your voice get loud. Oh, the power they must experience upon seeing our veins bulge! Power corrupts. When kids see that they can control the color of our face, the tone of our voice and our emotions, it doesn't take long for them to get addicted. With this addiction comes the desire for ever increasing power. In their desperate quest for this power, they push more and more emotional buttons. The more unhealthy control kids acquire the more out-of-control they become. In my new webinar, Success with Strong-Willed, Stubborn or Downright Defiant Kids, I provide four hours of tips and tools dedicated to helping parents and educators regain healthy control around Napoleon-like kids…those children bent on world domination. Listed below is a brief sampling of techniques you can begin experimenting with today: • When the child begins to argue, calmly repeat, "I know" or "I love you too much to argue" or "I'll listen when your voice sounds calm like mine." Don't be surprised if the child gets even more upset in the short-term. Just continue repeating your "one-liner" in a calm and loving way. • When the child gets louder, you get softer. Does this demonstrate a strong message of power and love? • When the child talks faster, you talk slower. Again, the goal is to show the child that you are a loving and powerful person who can't be manipulated into losing control. • When the child gets extremely oppositional and defiant, say, "I love you too much to fight with you about this. I'll take care of it." Allowing the child to think, albeit incorrectly, that they've gotten away with something gives us the time to calm down and put together an effective plan. Using these tools allows us to regain control of our lives while helping the child regain healthy control over theirs. Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Dr. Charles Fay Oppositional and Defiant Kids: Regaining Control of Your Life Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts Dear Stacy, Perhaps you know one of those kids…the type who absolutely loves seeing your face turn red and hearing your voice get loud. Oh, the power they must experience upon seeing our veins bulge! Power corrupts. When kids see that they can control the color of our face, the tone of our voice and our emotions, it doesn't take long for them to get addicted. With this addiction comes the desire for ever increasing power. In their desperate quest for this power, they push more and more emotional buttons. The more unhealthy control kids acquire the more out-of-control they become. In my new webinar, Success with Strong-Willed, Stubborn or Downright Defiant Kids, I provide four hours of tips and tools dedicated to helping parents and educators regain healthy control around Napoleon-like kids…those children bent on world domination. Listed below is a brief sampling of techniques you can begin experimenting with today: • When the child begins to argue, calmly repeat, "I know" or "I love you too much to argue" or "I'll listen when your voice sounds calm like mine." Don't be surprised if the child gets even more upset in the short-term. Just continue repeating your "one-liner" in a calm and loving way. • When the child gets louder, you get softer. Does this demonstrate a strong message of power and love? • When the child talks faster, you talk slower. Again, the goal is to show the child that you are a loving and powerful person who can't be manipulated into losing control. • When the child gets extremely oppositional and defiant, say, "I love you too much to fight with you about this. I'll take care of it." Allowing the child to think, albeit incorrectly, that they've gotten away with something gives us the time to calm down and put together an effective plan. Using these tools allows us to regain control of our lives while helping the child regain healthy control over theirs. Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Dr. Charles Fay ©2012 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.